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2022届纽约时报社论竞赛获奖作品赏析(二)

一篇优秀的获奖范文在主题设置,文章框架,行文方法以及叙事手法上都拥有其突出的地方,值得我们借鉴。

在进行写作竞赛准备时,最快速的提升方法就是学习同类型写作竞赛的经典范文

Aralia特邀王牌写作名师,同时也是纽约时报社论竞赛的往届获奖指导教师,为大家带来纽约时报第九届社论竞赛获奖作品详细逐句分析,帮助同学们感悟获奖作品的魅力,学习优秀写作技巧,助力相关写作竞赛备赛

获奖范文逐段赏析

“The spring dance is in two weeks, and my friend needs help choosing a dress. She beckons me to her phone where an endless mosaic of elegant dresses, not one over $20, dances before my eyes. After much deliberation, she settles on a glamorous sapphire gown with pleated details lining the bodice. Another two weeks later, the dress carpets the bottom of a landfill, worn only once.

Welcome to the world of fast fashion.”

Aralia名师解析:

开篇作者用了自己的亲身经历来引出“快时尚”的话题。在最后一句话中的landfill垃圾填埋也与文章主旨环保相结合

Welcome to the world of fast fashion. 这句话在上下段之间起到了很好的承上启下的作用,为后文中展开介绍“快时尚”的定义设下铺垫

“Fast fashion is a relatively recent phenomenon. During the 1990s, retailers began to introduce trendy, cheaply-priced, poorly-made clothes on a weekly basis, intending to match the breakneck pace at which fashion trends move. Style became cheap, convenient and consumable.”

Aralia名师解析:

本段运用了 trendy, cheaply-priced, poorly-made等一系列的形容词介绍了“快时尚”的起源以及特点,可读性较强。

“Fast fashion, however, is ultimately a privilege. It is a privilege to buy clothes solely for their style, and it is a privilege to ignore the environmental consequences of doing so. In reality, the aggressive cycle of consumption perpetuated by fast fashion means that the clothes we wear are now more likely than ever to end up as part of the 92 million tons of textile waste produced annually.”

Aralia名师解析:

开段,作者使用转折词However明确清晰地直接与前一段进行转折。同时本段中92 million tons of textile waste 用数据证明了“快时尚”带来的对环境破坏负面的影响,数据是非常具有可靠性的论据

“During the pandemic, as stores closed, consumers ditched fast fashion staples such as H&M and Zara, instead opting to order from e-commerce social media sensations such as Shein and Asos. (Shein is now valued at $100 billion, more than H&M and Zara combined.) These brands represent an escalation of both fast fashion and its environmental toll.

These fast fashion newcomers thrived during the pandemic because of their unique business models. They exist entirely online, allowing them to ship the thousands of new styles they release daily to consumers directly from their warehouses, avoiding supply chain snags and U.S. import duties in the process. Meanwhile, a reliance on cheap overseas labor and synthetic textiles keeps prices irresistibly low.”

Aralia名师解析:

这两段介绍了疫情期间‘’快时尚”的运营情况以及模式,为后文中提到的环境影响进行铺垫

同时作者也用了大众熟悉的例子,如H&M等商家,进阶证明“快时尚”与大家生活的紧密性。这也侧面让后文中作者所呼吁的行动更加地有必要。

“These practices, however, are hurting the Earth more than ever before. Because these retailers rely solely on international shipping to move their products, they only exacerbate the annual billion tons of greenhouse gasses released by shipping. Virtually all of these brands sell clothes that contain petroleum-based, resource-intensive synthetic fibers such as polyester and nylon. During their lifetime, these fibers are responsible for 35 percent of the microplastics contaminating our oceans and can subsequently take centuries to decompose in landfills.”

Aralia名师解析:

作者再次在开段中运用了however来转折证明“快时尚”对环境的破坏。并且用了数据证明了衣服面料对海洋以及土地垃圾填埋的影响。逻辑清晰,论证严谨。

“Though fast fashion represents an understandably alluring combination of style and savings, now, more than ever, we simply cannot quantify the true cost of our clothing with a price tag. When consumers want to update their wardrobe, they can do so sustainably by thrifting, reworking old garments or researching environmentally-conscious brands.”

Aralia名师解析:

本段清晰明了地将全文进行总结:虽然“快时尚”为人们提供了便利以及时尚的多样性,但是我们不能仅仅量化地关注与价格。并且作者也为读者提供了替代“快时尚”购物的其他方式。

“For now, I’ll be at my next school dance rocking the same dress I did last year.”

Aralia名师解析:

最后作者与开篇中个人经历进行连接,举了一个可以替代“快时尚”例子–仍然穿一样的裙子。首尾呼应。

点击这里,查看原文。

范文总结

纽约时报官方给出的评分标准中包含:Viewpoint 观点、Evidence 证据、Analysis and Persuasion 分析与说服力、Language 语言、以及Guidelines 比赛准则。

本文的结构十分清晰,完美满足了各项评分标准中的要点,运用了个人的经历在首尾进行了呼应。在论证方面,作者运用了数据,举例,以及排比的写作手法,深扣主题,使得整个文章保持连贯性

其次,官方要求的文章话题是希望学生们深思熟虑过的,作者自身的故事是很好的切入点。加上所列的数据,以及快时尚中具体商家的例子也达到了官方要求的research研究的要求。最点睛的部分就是作者点出的解决方案,这巧妙地达到了官方rubric中a call to action的拿分点

在写这类文章时,很多同学会大篇幅地依赖research文章的信息,使得论点和论据达不到平衡。所以同学们要更加注意段落结构,以及多加审视所运用的数据或者例子的必要性。

作者简介
睿雅学院 (Aralia Education) 是面向全球中小学生的创新型在线教育平台,我们通过小组课和一对一在线课程,将美国在职教师与来自世界各地的学生联结起来。睿雅导师团队由美国高等学府大学教授、美国初高中体系内学科老师和国际大型竞赛获奖教练组成。老师们都在其学科领域内教学多年,致力于提供个性化的服务,让学生在终生学习的旅程中受益。

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